Much of my work is very yoga and chakra inspired, as you may have noticed. But why? Well, here’s a semi-brief explanation. I have been very sick in my life. Shortly after my first baby was born, I was experiencing some severe stomach pain, like someone punching me in the tummy, leaving their fist there for an hour, needing to throw up desperately, but instead just getting the sweats and chills and basically, being incapacitated for an hour or so. I thought I was dying. Plus, I had some inexplicable ear problems (I could hear things but they were LOUD), stress, depression, anxiety. I was always sick, always sad, always stressed, you name it. I had all the ailments. And I took all the pills because that’s what the doctors told me to do. It didn’t sit right with me to do this, but what did I know? Here I was 28 years young, and my doctors were telling me that, with regard to a couple of my ailments, they weren’t even sure what was wrong with me. But whatever, right? Here, take this pill indefinitely. "Indefinitely?" I asked. Yes, indefinitely. In my heart, I was like, ‘so wait, I was born this human, and yet I require pills to feel even remotely like myself? That super sucks.’ And guess what, this realization made me feel even shittier about myself, like I was born broken.
But around this time I had begun practicing yoga more regularly. I really liked it. It felt like it was reaching parts of me I had forgotten about, but at this time I did not know much about it. I was just doing it. Also, around this time (as one doctor’s last resort to figure out some of my ailments) I had taken a food and airborne allergy test. When I got the results from my test I was in shock. I literally had 3 pages full of things that were inflaming my insides, some more serious than others. I asked, “wait, what does this mean?” They told me it means I need to stop eating and being around these things. And I was like, 'but this is everything?' And with no guidance or support, I set about changing my entire diet and environment. It sucked a lot and I failed a lot but, I did start to get healthier. I couldn’t even believe it, actually. I asked my psychiatrist at the time (supposedly one of the top psychiatrists in the metro,) “could my allergies be causing any of my other mental/emotional symptoms?” Little did she know, I had begun researching on my own and found that YES, they can! Food can absolutely cause symptoms, mainly inflammation. Inflammation is HUGE. Everything wrong with you goes back to your body reacting to something being inflamed. But she shrugged me off quickly, “oh no, absolutely not.” Well, I that turned me off big time. So I got up out of there that day and never went back. I threw out all of my pills and have not needed them ever since.
This is when I began reading more about holistic health. I learned way too much about the government, the pharmaceutical companies, agricultural companies, USDA, FDA, and MONEY. I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist, and it pisses me off that anyone who lives or thinks outside the box gets categorized as a conspiracy theorist, but whatever. I don’t care anymore. What I can tell you is that these people are not looking out for your health. In fact, they are profiting big time from you not being well. That really pisses me off and it should piss you off too.
I believe most doctors’ intentions are good. I really do. I’m not anti-doctor or anti-medicine. What I am against is fixing the symptom and not the problem. And this is where my love of yoga and chakras come in. I immersed myself into the idea that I am a whole being and that ailments are part of my whole being. I understood that my symptoms were rooted in something deeper. So I started doing the work and digging deep. I worked really hard. I made some really freaking tough changes. I’ve had some big ups and downs, but over time I have built up my immune system. And I can tell you with a straight-face that I don’t get super sick anymore. I’m not afraid to proclaim that either. Because it’s not that I don’t start to get sick. I do. I am human and I overdo things every day! But now, I’ll feel something coming on and I’ll tune in. I’ll understand that this is my body talking to me and telling me I am out of balance in some way. I’ll ask myself what I need and I give it to myself. Do I need sleep? Do I need to express a creative idea? Do I need to cry? Do I need less (or more) social interaction? Do I need a hug? Do I need to stop being around a certain person who is toxic to me? (Yikes) Do I need to cut out coffee and/or alcohol for bit? (not that I'm a heavy drinker of either but still...) Do I need a vegetable? Or water? Do I need fresh air and sunlight? Do I need a cookie? (That's right, I said it. Sometimes you just need a cookie.) These things right here can heal most common things pretty quickly. Our bodies speak to us, but do we listen?
I understand now that my energy is meant to be flowing and that neglecting myself is what causes me to be ill. I know a lot of mom’s and self-sacrificing martyr types will read that and cringe. But you know what, I understand now that to be a good mom and human, I have to validate my needs, too. I can’t give to my kids when I am depleted. I can't give lovingly to a partner when I am depleted. I want to teach my kids what healthy self-love is. I’ve been in a place of self-loathing; it hurts and it makes you sick. I don’t want my kids to ever feel that way. Kids learn by example and so that means I have to show them what it means to take care of me, too. I’m not a perfect example, but I work on it. I know that I am showing them that it is from a healthy place of loving oneself, that we can really truly begin to give to others and make our world look the way we want it too.
When you look into yoga, it is based upon the balanced flow of prana (aka lifeforce energy or chi) through the chakras (which I won’t go into here.) Yoga literally means “union.” It is a union of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of our lives. It is all connected. When you understand that everything is connected within you and approach health in a more holistic way, you begin to see where your ailments come from. It can be surprising and terrifying! But it is all connected. It is connected even beyond our bodies and minds farther up into the whole of the universe. I'm talking Karma, here. And personally, I'm ready to jump off the wheel of karma and start something new, so I'm doing the work.
This is why I reference the chakras and yoga so much in my work. Because I have tried everything, all the pills, all the drugs, all the therapists, and finally found something that actually works. And I’m pumped about it! I'm coming from a place of experience. I like to keep my focus positive, absolutely, most people know this about me. But I feel it's important to share this about myself so that people understand where I come from. I share this aspect of myself because I absolutely feel resistance from others when I talk about this kind of thing, especially from those who didn't know me before. Even some people who DID know me before don't know that I was ever unhappy or unwell because I was very good at covering it up! I think I appear pretty happy-go-lucky. And so I get it. I get why people resist. I see the eyes glaze over, I hear the quick subject change or sly comment that someone like me couldn't possibly know what it's like. But I do. Resistance comes from fear. This is very hard work and hard work is scary. Sometimes our brain is not open to it or tells us we can't do it when we are down. It's absolutely easier to just take the pill, and you know what? That's ok, too. I always say honor what you feel. Take care of you and sometimes that means taking the pill. The most important thing is to honor what you feel, just make sure you know what it is. When you are ready for change, life always lets you know.
10 years ago, my life looked very different. I was resisting change and my life let me know by making me sick all over the place. I was in a place where I believed myself hopeless and helpless to the whims of every germ that flew by. Now I am almost 38 and in the best health of my life and I feel myself getting even healthier each year. It’s weird, but it’s great. I don’t believe getting older equals feeling shitty anymore. You've got to do the work, you have to dig deep, and you've got to stop being afraid of everything. But it is worth it. And it’s the Chakras that help me understand that I am a multi-layered being and require maintenance on many levels. As a sensitive and empathetic human, I feel like it is my duty to share this information in the ways that I can, through art, through my yoga teaching, through my blog, and so on. The advice I'll leave you with, if you'll have it, is this: investigate your food, (it's your building blocks after all,) investigate your medicines, investigate your medicines with your other medicines, question your doctors, be open to alternatives and TRUST YOURSELF. You are worth that much.
Lotsa Namastes, everybody <3
Stephanie
