I know a lot of single people right now. These are interesting, smart, beautiful, nice, funny, real, not-super psychotic people, in their so-called prime, too. Single by choice. Single and not settling. Choosing sometimes sucky singlehood over unmagical coupledom. I'm lucky to know these people because they inspire me to stick to what I want and remind me that I am not crazy for believing in something special. This post is for them....... and also me. I count myself in that group.
95% of the time I am fine and dandy being single. I really am. Ok, but for real's sake, i was coupled for 13+ years so we'll say more like 91% of the time I'm fine and dandy. This kind of aloneness is new, sometimes pretty stark, but I do enjoy my time alone, mostly. I want to meet someone I click with, absolutely, but I make the most of my time alone because 1. I know it will not be forever, though there are days it feels like that. And 2. I actually love my "me" stuff when it's just me. I'm fun. Also, 3. I know that at this point, I'd rather be alone than with someone I do not vibe with. I am older now and to me, time is too precious. There is nothing worse than spending my time on nonsense-y, immature, or uninteresting people.
Every once in awhile, though, I am triggered by something in life and I start to feel this rejection, just a general feeling of rejection from the universe, as if something is wrong with me. Like, maybe I am just too strange and no one will ever match my strangeness.
On these days, every damn body is falling in love, I swear to you. I think, 'ok Universe that person has someone and I don't? Now you're just being an asshole, Universe." It hardly seems fair. That sounds judgey and I'm sorry. I am a sensitive human, what can I say? Everyone deserves love, I believe that. I want to be happy for these falling-in-love people. I know I should be happy for them. And you know, I am happy for them, actually. But in truth, I feel both happiness and jealousy at the same time. It's ugly, but it's true.
That's why I'm writing this today because I feel like I need a little pep talk. And I know enough about energy to know that when I need a pep talk, someone else in my world does too. My confident, peaceful self knows that, in fact, the Universe IS fair and loving and always brings us face to face with exactly what we need to grow and evolve. Sometimes that's another person and sometimes it's alone time. Sometimes it's tumultuous and sometimes it's harmonious, but it's always what we need to become the human we came here to be. I always trust in at least that. We may not like it or get it at the time, but it always makes sense in the end.
Every relationship I have ever had has shown up magically and in perfect timing, and was just right for me during that time of my life, so I do trust that it will happen again....and fingers crossed, before I am 120 and nothing but a raisin lying on my deathbed (I'm not going to live forever, Universe.) I also know that every time in my life that I have been single, I have taken leaps and bounds in the direction of my passions, dreams, and interests, my other non-romantic relationships, and my self knowledge, etc. These things are majorly important to me and I feel necessary to fulfill my believed life purpose. This time around there is the added bonus of knowing myself as a single mother, which by the way, is hard at times, absolutely, but also so awesome in a lot of ways. Awesome because I am absolutely in love with my kids and now, I am happy and free to love and nurture them the way they deserve, as a much happier, lighter person than I was when I was married. I feel more like the mother I envisioned myself to be as a young person, pre-children, instead of pretending to be that. I feel it and i know they feel it too. This is basically huge.
Some days it's hard to recognize things falling into place, but they are. Most days, something good happens in the direction of my dreams. I am reaffirmed that I am on my path, which eventually, does include love. I have to trust that love will come because the other stuff on my list is coming. I have to remember why I chose this path for myself and for some of you reading this, why this path chose you. We are meant for something else, something different, something super spectacular.
And I guess that's where I'm going with this. We have to get through the tough times. Do the work we need to do, evolve the way we obviously are supposed to be evolving, and be ready for something more, something great. Be ready for the things we have asked the universe for, in whatever package they come in. In the meantime, if you need a friend to talk you off the ledge of loneliness, call me. Or text and we'll make a coffee date because I hate talking on the phone.
Just don't give up. For God's sake don't settle for someone that is not up to your super spectacular and too-interesting-for-this-planet standards. Don't be a jerk either and not give people a chance, because you just never know, but just love yourself enough to put you first. You are amazing and you worth it.
I'm with you and sending much love your way <3
Stephanie
