Card reading for 5/21/19. This has been a hell of a week, one that has me contemplating the idea of balance and fairness (Justice.) I've actually had one of the best weeks of my life, while others in my world have suffered the absolute worst possible. I have kept to myself (Hermit,) quietly feeling both extreme gratitude for my circumstances and simultaneously feeling guilt and pain for the circumstances of my loved ones. Why is it like this? Why the roller coaster? Why can't we just have happiness and peace while in this human existence? A naive idea to ponder maybe, but at 41 years old, rather than toughen up to life, it seems my empathic nature and sensitivity is only being heightened. Sure, I get the esoteric concept of 'no light without dark' blah blah... but is this just the bullshit we have to say to endure this life? Because frankly, I have had it with suffering. I am sick of unfairness. I'm really struggling with it this week and I admit, my faith is shaken once more. I don't know how to feel at peace right now with the good things that are happening for me knowing that my friends suffer, knowing that everything can be stripped away from me in an instant too. I can't do everything perfect or right, no one can, and so what? We pay the price with loss and suffering? (5 of Cups) I dont believe that. It's interesting to me because as this strange mix of circumstances and feelings are swirling around me this week, I'm studying a new technique in my astrology course that has me wondering about concepts like fate and luck. Do some just luck out? I don't know, but it sure seems that way. I'd like to think we play a role in how our reality looks, but when tragedy strikes or when circumstances just keep piling up against our efforts, I can't help but think there is more to it. I don't normally pull a 4th card but for my own sake I needed to end this on a positive note, because well, that's me. The World. How ironic. The World is the ultimate.... the ending and the beginning. The World card today is a portal into a new World; Heaven perhaps for some, for others the inner eye opening to another facet of the reality of life. What's obvious to me now is that the new reality is not what we thought it would be, it never really is, and it's our work now to make peace with it. Again.
Namaste 💜
