"There is nothing more fickle than the fish...."
This is the start of a poem that I'll probably never come back to because that is me...it's my apology to those I have driven crazy with my indecisive and fickle ways. I'm not what you think I am, but I know how I come across. It surprises me when people think they know me or form an impression of me. I got told I seemed grounded again last weekend. This happens surprisingly frequently, and it just made me think, 'man, what kind of face am I putting forward today?' But the thing is, I'm not putting a face forward, really. Our perceptions and judgments of each other just are what they are. I'm always just being me, multifaceted.....and changing.
The Pisces full moon is on the 26th and it's hitting me hard already...this moon hits my Pisces 10th house sun, moon, mercury. For the non-astrology nerds, let me sum up: basically, what am I doing with my life?
Well, what AM I doing? Sometimes I really do not know. Mothering, I'm trying to, anyways.. Drawing. Painting. Praying. Shedding my armour. Doing my best. Trying to do what's right, even when that changes, even when it goes against the original plan. Things do change, like, all the time. Km not making that up, that's the thing. How can one just stay the course when everything changes? How can one even PICK a course? Pisces is the fish, the letter go, the follower of the flow. And that flow changes.
I'm waiting in this life too, waiting for something I'm not sure can be found on the earth plane. Pisces travels the other worlds as easily as this one. Easier, in fact, because in the other worlds, there is no time, body, or matter in the way. Creation is instantaneous there. Pisces knows none of this is real because we've seen the other side, so it is hard for me to stay driven in my life towards the more earthly matters. I really must force it if I'm to keep up with life, which of course, I must.
Pisces can create any illusion we want you to see; this is what makes me an artist. This is what makes me magical. This is what makes me flaky and grounded. My struggle comes from the fact that I know none of it goes with me in the end. It doesn't matter how much I paint or acquire or accomplish because it's not who I am. I simply... am. Same as you. Equal parts all things and no things. Equal parts good and evil, magic and melancholy, connector and disconnected, healer and unhealed.
I'm ready for this moon because our own moon always shines on us when we need it and moves our energy....i really need this to happen. This energy is heavy and intense. This summer has been hard. I'm thinking too much lately and unable to think....nothing gets done in this state and the moon is still several days away. 10 years ago, this mood would have sent me in a spiral for days until the energy passed. At 40 now, I am aware that my mood is fickle, and that's ok because now I understand that I am not my mood. I'm thankfully aware that like all other things in life, the current mood will pass too. In the meantime, the waves will continue to rise up from the depths and I will ride them; I'll practice the art of hanging on....while I letting go.
Namaste 💜🙏💜
